I was working with a salesperson on her client conversation. She was newer to sales and wants to kill it in her industry.

We spent a lot of time discussing how and what to ask. Questions drive everything, and keep you in control of your conversations.

We generated a list of questions to help keep her on task. These were, what I call, surface questions. They start the information gathering process.

The key to moving people to your ideas is buried in the listening. Having great questions help, but the answers cover the hidden gems.

Your client’s answer gives you the key that unlocks the door for your next question.

This is where she struggled.

This is where most people struggle. Listening.

We get caught up in the words the client speaks. We miss what was not said. How the client didn’t actually answer the question. How the tone of voice doesn’t match the content. And many, many more details.

I explained to her how most people are afraid to ask deep questions. We’re afraid we’re getting too personal or will make the customer angry or defensive. I’ve never had that happen (unless I did it on purpose, which can be useful).

It’s the exact opposite. When you ask questions people open up. You can’t not answer a question.

It’s not socially acceptable to not answer a question when asked.

You may end up with a long pause, a sigh, and then the client saying, “I dunno.”

When you get that it means they weren’t comfortable telling you, yet. There are ways to get the answer. You just have to be paying attention.

With more work she’ll be a great. She just needs to get out of her head, and probe more deeply into her client’s head. It comes with practice.

Emotions are a wonderful thing. Except when they’re not.

Some emotions flow through us and don’t feel great: Anger, frustration, sadness, boredom, among many more.

On the flip side we have those emotions that we thrive to experience more often: Love, ecstasy, joy, amusement, wonder, and many other tingling good feels.

We label those that don’t feel great as bad. The ones that give us the good feels we label as good.

But, emotions aren’t bad or good. They just are.

If you want to label emotions, label them useful.

There are studies with people who have had damage to their brain and don’t feel emotions. Guess what?

They can’t make decisions.

Nothing ever “feels” like the right thing to do, or not do.

Get your customer riled up.

Give them the feels.

Without it they’re stuck. Unable to make a decision.

If they’re stuck, then you’re stuck. And that doesn’t feel good now, does it?

In sales, there’s a strategy called the Illusion of choice. It’s a very simple and effective technique to gain compliance.

Your give your prospect the choice of two options. But, both options lead to them moving forward, in the direction you want.

Instead of two different options or a “Yes” or “No” option, both options lead to “Yes.”

What’s an example? Good question.

If you were buying a car I could ask you, “Do you want this car in red or would you like the blue?”

I wasn’t asking if they liked the car. I asked if they wanted it in a specific color. When they answer with either “red” or “blue” that continues advancing the sale.

More examples?

• Do you want your payments to come out at the beginning of the month or in the middle of the month?
• Would you like to come in on Tuesday or Wednesday?
• I don’t know if you’re going to buy this today or if you’ll simply decide it’s what you want to take home after we’re done…
• I don’t know if you’ll find this extremely useful or if you’ll find the quickest ways to use it everyday but I have more to share on the topic.

And, yes, you can say the exact same thing two slightly different ways.

Fun stuff, eh?

These are also called linguistic binds in the land of conversational hypnosis.

They may not look effective as they sit naked above in these examples. However, when you’re talking with someone and slip it in they’re not caught.

I’ve never had someone say, “Hey, you just gave me the same options.” If they aren’t moving ahead, they’ll just say “no.” Or “I don’t like the blue or red.” Or, “I don’t know if I like this car.” Or, “I’m not sure I’m getting it yet.” Or some objection or condition to moving ahead.

This works so well because, when you’re offered an the illusion of choice, it feels like you have a choice.

When you use the word “or” it sounds like you’re presenting two different options. But you don’t. Hence the word “illusion” in the name. Or “bind,” since we’re binding them into a single choice.

We have a world of options. Yet we limit their view and help the customer make a decision we want. It’s a beautiful thing in when influencing.

And, to make a political comment, this is our presidential choice. Two options that are the both not what most people want.

You have other choices. But the two party system limits your choice to two candidates. And, as you hear repeatedly, voting for anyone other than the two is a “wasted vote.”

Is it? Or are we just repeatedly buying into the illusion of choice?

We saw Dr. Strange this weekend. What a great character.

I’ll try not to spoil it too much but Dr. Strange is an arrogant prick, to put it lightly. And deservedly so. He’s the best at what he does. And is unapologetic for it too.

Some people don’t like him because of that. Oh well.

Then he gets in an accident and loses what makes him special. And it can’t be fixed.

But he’s cocky. So he searches to find a way to fix it.

Because he’s not special without it.

He finds some crazy yogi type who understands things beyond the physical world. And she helps him.

Up to a point.

He can’t be helped because his ego blocks him. What he thinks is true blocks him from seeing outside the box he lives in.

It’s what most people do.

We believe what we believe without question. We aren’t willing to let go and doubt.

What would happen if you were wrong about the many things you believe?

Dr. Strange didn’t want to let go of his reality. He was persuaded.

And that’s what the ability to influence does. It gives you the ability to alter reality.

Because reality is only real inside your head. It’s caged inside the beliefs you hold.

Once he let go he discovered new possibilities. And these possibilities gave him abilities he never believed to be real before.

How much better would you be if you let go of what you believe is true about your business, sales, and what’s possible?